Loverboy’s Blog

It is gone

What happened to our childhood

It all vanished

We used to look up at the world in awe

Now it’s all come to making money and pleasing people

People used to say “Oh! You’re so smart!”

Now I’m left with my parents yelling at me while I just accept the punishment

There’s nothing left for me

I can’t help anyone

And I only cause problems

Where did all the fun go

What’s there left to see here

Everything used to be all fun and games

I miss the days where I thought I had friends

It’s all gone

And for the only purpose of education and work

I miss the days where I was used to being alone

THE character

What makes a good character?

It’s not hard work, I tried that

It couldn’t be humor, that never worked

It should be love

The ability to love them

As well as for them to love others

But too bad that it’s only how it should be

It isn’t

It never was

But we would like it to be that way

Fantasy’s never existed

They never have

I think that I’ve just lost my sense of character

I’m just alone

I’m not even a side character

I never existed

All I have left

Why do I hurt myself?

I’m always bleeding somewhere, even if you don’t see it

I hide the pain

I hide my feelings

I hide everything in my heart

Because I’m afraid to lose it

I’m afraid to lose you

But all of our fears come true eventually

And now I fear myself

I’m over the thought of you

I’m over the withdrawals called late night calls

I’m over you

At least, I would like to think that

‘Cause here I am

Alone at school

Alone at work

Alone in life

But I lie here alone

Staining my white shirt

Red as the roses I bought

The night I asked you to dance

Only to find you with my friend

Happy without me

I was crushed

I am crushed

The pain is unbearable

My nonexistent pride destroyed

I never realized I could be so apathetic towards life

My fears toward life are revolting

But I fear bridges now

As well as knives

Not because I’m afraid of death

But because I don’t want to hurt a friend

A single friend

That’s all I have left

My shattered pride

My drained body

My best and only friend

That’s all I have left

Isolophobia

My fingers twitch

Knees shaking

What did I expect

I can’t do this

Being alone

I’m just hurting me

I’m just isolophobic

It’s nothing you can change

I’m in so much pain

I just wanted to not be afraid anymore

But I’m just isolophobic

I’m hurting now

The pain kills

Sadly literal

I burned myself

Don’t try bleach

It takes forever

I’m just isolophobic

It’s nothing you can change

I’m in so much pain

I just wanted to not be afraid anymore

But I’m just isolophobic

I just want love

But I’m here

Sitting silently

It’s not sadness

You’re felling guilt

After all, it’s death

I’m just isolophobic

It’s nothing you can change

I’m in so much pain

I just wanted to not be afraid anymore

But I’m just isolophobic

I could never have you

I can’t be enough

I never was

You were never happy

You were never satisfied

I loved you

I still do

You loved me

You used me

I felt used

I was happy someone noticed

You took advantage of me

You shattered my heart

I was afraid of losing you

I pushed you away because of that

You noticed I was depressed

You didn’t care

I sulk to my bleach scented room

I cry myself to sleep

You are happy now

You have a boyfriend now

With you

You never realize how it is without yourself

That’s why I will start to do my best

To help you find your place in this world

It doesn’t have to be with me

Because we both know that won’t work

I need to be better for you

But at least I can help just a little

“Just friends” we would call it

We never even talked

You went from my everything to nothing too fast

I miss you, and I didn’t realize how much you meant to me

Hopefully I can do better this time

There’s a life you deserve

And I want you to have that

I am willing to sacrifice myself

If it means you are here tomorrow

If it means you’ll be happy

If it even means anything, I love you

I hope it does

And I hope I can make you laugh

Your laugh fills my life with joy

It spreads the darkness thin

Allowing me to experience the feeling of love

Your short hair glistened in the car light for me

The first time in a week

And I realized how much I missed the your big glasses

Hugging the freckled nose of yours

That only seemed to add to your beauty

I know this is kinda cringe, but I mean it

I meant that you’re beautiful

I meant that I missed you

And I meant that I still love you

A Tale of Two Stories

I tell myself I’ve moved on

Only to have each thought go back to you

The screeching of tires as they turn

To go back the way they came

I’ve moved on

At least, I keep telling myself that

The small figure

Speeding forward

We were so close

All I wanted was to be with you

My Horn blared

The wind against my face

But then you changed

You found someone else

The sound of metal on metal

Scraped against my ears

I pushed you away

Revolted by my own actions

The warm wet asphalt

Pooled around my torso

I didn’t want to fall for you again

So I never got back up

Because I never got back up

I ended alone

Special

You’ve already moved on

It’s only been a day

I thought there was something special

But I guess I was wrong

I always am

I’m sorry I make this about me

And I’m sorry for trying to find hope in your kindness

People are just the sum of their stories

And there’s no telling

How much of your story I was a part of

It couldn’t have been a lot, I’ll tell you that much

You called me special

And I gave you my heart

It took you a month to crush it

And now your after my soul

It took me forever to realize that

But if I really am special,

I’m the most incompetent special person to exist

I’m the most helpless “special” the world has seen

You didn’t even bother to say goodbye

Quotes you may find.

I’m glad you made it

Here are some quotes

You may find them

Interesting

Helpful

Inspiring

Boring

But you may have them.

After all, I don’t own the words.

1.) Never going to give you up

2.) My magic is never giving up

3.) Can’t find a door? MAKE YOUR OWN

4.) I think people give too much credit to the Protagonist

5.) We live in a world someone else imagined

6.) Is it your own destiny?

You will never be able to love anybody else until you love yourself

Thanks for sticking around! I know it’s a little different(er) than normal, but I’m glad you read it! It would also be great to talk to you, so leave a comment and don’t forget to like!

Undecided

I keep thinking

Take that as you will

But I’m not wanting to

Keep on thinking

If it’s only about you

I’ll text you to make sure you’re okay

And I’ll call you to hear your gorgeous voice

But it always points back to the things I did

To make it this way

But I’m so

U N D E C I D E D

Should I keep the thought of you

Or just the memory

But I’m so

U N D E C I D E D

Maybe this feeling will go way

Maybe I can break the chain of indecisiveness

But it all points to you

I’ll never be free

I’ll never find love

And I’ll never forgive myself for saying goodbye

Because I’m so

U N D E C I D E D